Sometimes I hate being a girl. One of the reasons
on my list is that my body often deals with stress by crying. I hate crying (not always, I don't mind crying if it's for a good reason). But this whole crying while stressed out thing just makes me feel like such a girl!
The reason this all comes up is simply because yesterday was one of those days. I am buried so deep in my classes that I don't feel like I can come up for air. I need to have a meltdown and I simply don't have time for it. So, after I somewhat inappropriately let one of my professors have an ear full. I left the building and cried all the way home. And you know, not just crying but uncontrollable sobbing. In the end it made me feel better physically but it has been annoying my brain ever since.
Why is it that no matter what I accomplish in my life, stress can still reduce me to feeling like I need my mommy?
Right now, aside from the fact that I have a test tomorrow that I have no hope of passing, I feel better. I feel like I can really handle the rest of this semester. Of course my story may be different after taking my test tomorrow! Part of what got me over the hump is the simple realization that if I need to, I can just take my Proof Writing in Modern Algebra class over again next semester if I need to. I'm taking Linear Algebra for the 2nd time and I am really enjoying it AND understanding it this time around. So perhaps I just need to come to terms with the fact that my 40 year old brain needs to hear something twice to really get it.
And I'm OK with that!
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Allergies
Almost since the day she was born, my Princess was prone to sinus infections. And I mean a TON of sinus infections. We have a well worn path from our door to the door of our pediatrician's office. Princess moved to a new school this year and my pediatrician moved her office at the end of August so that it is squarely between my house and her new school. Just for me, wasn't that nice of her? Well, sure that last part is a stretch - but she DID move her office and I like to live in my little fantasy world.
The infections always seem to be at their worst when she is getting teeth, but they also were acutely seasonal, and as I am allergic to everything we made our appointment at the allergist office to get her tested. Poor kid, asthma (which I have been spared) and she's allergic to just about every tree and mold and pet you can imagine. So, we started allergy shots. They seemed to help initially, but now here we are three years later and she has yet another sinus infection. So, with her pediatrician's approval I had it out with our allergist and we are just going to treat Princess with OTC meds (I should mention her asthma is finally under control so this is no longer an issue). Her allergist, of course, was none to happy - but I refuse to continue to get shots every month when we are not really seeing any significant improvement.
Now, you are sitting there wondering if there is a point to this story, right? Well, there is! I just adore my pediatrician. She was with me from the time Princess was little and she was at my son's funeral...she knows I'm an overprotective often paranoid mom and she just puts up with me. But I love her for more than that. She completely cracks me up!
Back when school was starting we were at her office to get Princess allergy shots and as her birthday was around the corner I asked the receptionist if Princess was due for a physical. Seems she was due LAST year when she turned 9. OOPS! Bad mommy! In all of our defense we are in there so often...
Last week we arrived on time for our scheduled physical. They called us back 25 minutes later. I was NOT amused! Princess has been complaining about her feet hurting so that was one of the first things we looked at. Tendonitis in both feet. Seriously? Leave it to my kid. (Since then we bought orthopedic arch supports and that has helped her right foot, but her left foot doesn't seem to be cooperating.) While we were there I asked Dr S if I should be concerned about Princess' weight. This girl drinks more water than any child should. She doesn't like soda, rarely drinks juice let alone anything resembling something sweet. Her perfect breakfast is a bowl of plain cheerios in 2% milk and some of her favorite Dole peaches (not in the cheerios, on the side please). And she never (and I do mean never) stops moving! My favorite doctor looked at her growth chart and told me that there was no need to worry. Princess is in the 85% for her age for height and about the 93% for weight. She said it's just the way God made her, and she's perfectly healthy and perfectly normal for who she is...and THEN she held up a piece of paper to block her face and Princess' from me and she said "there's something called genetics and it helps with how we are made. ask your mom about it later. don't forget. genetics"
I just had to laugh. I tell Princess all the time that she is built like me. Broad shoulders and wide hips. Oh sure, my hips are a ton wider now that I am 40 pounds overweight, but they have always been wide. Poor kids is build just like me. And thanks to the pediatrician, Princess will always know that it's my fault! Ya gotta love a doctor like that :-)
The infections always seem to be at their worst when she is getting teeth, but they also were acutely seasonal, and as I am allergic to everything we made our appointment at the allergist office to get her tested. Poor kid, asthma (which I have been spared) and she's allergic to just about every tree and mold and pet you can imagine. So, we started allergy shots. They seemed to help initially, but now here we are three years later and she has yet another sinus infection. So, with her pediatrician's approval I had it out with our allergist and we are just going to treat Princess with OTC meds (I should mention her asthma is finally under control so this is no longer an issue). Her allergist, of course, was none to happy - but I refuse to continue to get shots every month when we are not really seeing any significant improvement.
Now, you are sitting there wondering if there is a point to this story, right? Well, there is! I just adore my pediatrician. She was with me from the time Princess was little and she was at my son's funeral...she knows I'm an overprotective often paranoid mom and she just puts up with me. But I love her for more than that. She completely cracks me up!
Back when school was starting we were at her office to get Princess allergy shots and as her birthday was around the corner I asked the receptionist if Princess was due for a physical. Seems she was due LAST year when she turned 9. OOPS! Bad mommy! In all of our defense we are in there so often...
Last week we arrived on time for our scheduled physical. They called us back 25 minutes later. I was NOT amused! Princess has been complaining about her feet hurting so that was one of the first things we looked at. Tendonitis in both feet. Seriously? Leave it to my kid. (Since then we bought orthopedic arch supports and that has helped her right foot, but her left foot doesn't seem to be cooperating.) While we were there I asked Dr S if I should be concerned about Princess' weight. This girl drinks more water than any child should. She doesn't like soda, rarely drinks juice let alone anything resembling something sweet. Her perfect breakfast is a bowl of plain cheerios in 2% milk and some of her favorite Dole peaches (not in the cheerios, on the side please). And she never (and I do mean never) stops moving! My favorite doctor looked at her growth chart and told me that there was no need to worry. Princess is in the 85% for her age for height and about the 93% for weight. She said it's just the way God made her, and she's perfectly healthy and perfectly normal for who she is...and THEN she held up a piece of paper to block her face and Princess' from me and she said "there's something called genetics and it helps with how we are made. ask your mom about it later. don't forget. genetics"
I just had to laugh. I tell Princess all the time that she is built like me. Broad shoulders and wide hips. Oh sure, my hips are a ton wider now that I am 40 pounds overweight, but they have always been wide. Poor kids is build just like me. And thanks to the pediatrician, Princess will always know that it's my fault! Ya gotta love a doctor like that :-)
Monday, November 12, 2007
Late Veteran's Day entry
It's late, and I should have done a Veteran's Day post YESTERDAY, but leave it to me to be late. It's OK though, I forgive myself ;-)
Becky went crazy today and posted her basic training picture. YIKES! It got me to wondering if I could find mine. HA! Silly me. I am so unorganized there was no chance of that. Honestly I seem to have very few pictures of me in uniform at all. More than 8 years in uniform and nothing to show for it. Being the smart girl that I am...I called mommy. And you know what? SHE couldn't find my basic training picture either. That makes me feel so much better, because SHE is the organized one in the family.
There was a time in my life when I had time to scrapbook and I was THIS close to having my pictures organized. That dream is long since gone and I don't see it being a reality for a good 5 years at least. Of course, now that everything is digital my problem is they are all still on my computer and not printed. Oh wait, but at least they're almost organized on my computer, right?
So...Veteran's Day. Today our young men and women are joining the services knowing that it is quite likely they will find themselves in the midst of a war. But they sign up nonetheless. When I took the oath back in 1987 I had no idea that our country would shortly find itself in the midst of Desert Storm. Much like I had no idea that 2001 the future of our country's path would be irreversibly changed by the terrorist attacks of 9/11.
We are blessed in this country to have an Army (and Navy and Marines and Air Force and Coast Guard) of volunteers. Isn't that amazing? Isn't it amazing that what we have here in the United States is so precious....that people feel so strongly about how great our democracy is that they volunteer to protect us against whatever will come next. It touches my heart like few things in this world can.
And speaking of touching your heart. Here's a story that got a lot of coverage (at least in our little corner of the world) today. Socks for Soldiers. An enterprising young lady found out that soldiers in Afghanastan have cold feet so she is gathering wool socks from now until mid December and then sending a shipment over. You've seen the movies. Soldiers are often in those boots for more hours than we care to think about. And lets not forget that most of them are young men (and you KNOW young men, their hygiene is marginal in normal conditions let alone deployed in a strange country!). I think it's a fabulous idea! If you can't get through to the article, here's how it ends: Donated wool socks for troops serving in Afghanistan can be mailed to: D. Mansfield, 7136 Pine Lake Road, Fort Wayne, IN 46814, where they will be packaged for shipment. Cash donations to defray shipping costs are appreciated.
Now, for your amusement. The pictures that I did find. Let it never be said that I always looked good in uniform ;-)
Becky went crazy today and posted her basic training picture. YIKES! It got me to wondering if I could find mine. HA! Silly me. I am so unorganized there was no chance of that. Honestly I seem to have very few pictures of me in uniform at all. More than 8 years in uniform and nothing to show for it. Being the smart girl that I am...I called mommy. And you know what? SHE couldn't find my basic training picture either. That makes me feel so much better, because SHE is the organized one in the family.
There was a time in my life when I had time to scrapbook and I was THIS close to having my pictures organized. That dream is long since gone and I don't see it being a reality for a good 5 years at least. Of course, now that everything is digital my problem is they are all still on my computer and not printed. Oh wait, but at least they're almost organized on my computer, right?
So...Veteran's Day. Today our young men and women are joining the services knowing that it is quite likely they will find themselves in the midst of a war. But they sign up nonetheless. When I took the oath back in 1987 I had no idea that our country would shortly find itself in the midst of Desert Storm. Much like I had no idea that 2001 the future of our country's path would be irreversibly changed by the terrorist attacks of 9/11.
We are blessed in this country to have an Army (and Navy and Marines and Air Force and Coast Guard) of volunteers. Isn't that amazing? Isn't it amazing that what we have here in the United States is so precious....that people feel so strongly about how great our democracy is that they volunteer to protect us against whatever will come next. It touches my heart like few things in this world can.
And speaking of touching your heart. Here's a story that got a lot of coverage (at least in our little corner of the world) today. Socks for Soldiers. An enterprising young lady found out that soldiers in Afghanastan have cold feet so she is gathering wool socks from now until mid December and then sending a shipment over. You've seen the movies. Soldiers are often in those boots for more hours than we care to think about. And lets not forget that most of them are young men (and you KNOW young men, their hygiene is marginal in normal conditions let alone deployed in a strange country!). I think it's a fabulous idea! If you can't get through to the article, here's how it ends: Donated wool socks for troops serving in Afghanistan can be mailed to: D. Mansfield, 7136 Pine Lake Road, Fort Wayne, IN 46814, where they will be packaged for shipment. Cash donations to defray shipping costs are appreciated.
Now, for your amusement. The pictures that I did find. Let it never be said that I always looked good in uniform ;-)
And because I don't want you thinking that I always look like a total geek, I give you me (with my 1st ex husband...ya, I have NO luck with men, what can I say? But weren't we adorable?)
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Where did "I" go?
I'm sure every mother asks herself that questions at one point or another (perhaps many, many times over?)
"Just where did I go?"
Maybe that's part of my funk lately. Sometimes I feel like this never ending mommy train that I'm on has just hijacked my life and I'm searching for part of me that I fear I will never get back. Is that possible? If I crunch the numbers I find 10 years between the time I graduated from high school and had my first child. That's 10 grown up years sans children. (ah, those were the days!) Now it's been 12 years since I added the title mommy to my resume. That means more adult years spent in the mommy camp.
Being back in college full-time I find myself having most of my daily conversations with classmates who are...well, let's just say I'm old enough to be their mother. (And how did I get THAT old?!) There are days when I hear myself talking and every other sentence out of my mouth has something to do with Princess. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but does it mean that I have lost the part of myself that I find interesting? I'm hoping it's just a combination of the fact that I adore her so much AND the fact that I spend most of my time with her...so of course I'm going to talk about her.
Right?
I don't know. Sometimes it just feels like I'm drowning in this whole mommy gig. Not completely in a bad way. I think it's OK that part of me has grown into a mom. Just who was I before I had kids, anyway? Do I want that old me back? Why do I worry that part of me is gone if it's a part of me that I don't really need back? So many questions that need answers. Or do they really need answers?
I know I looked at myself in the mirror this morning and I hardly recognized myself. Somehow I have suddenly started to look old. This revelation made me wonder if I will be single forever. Not sure why my mind went there but it did. And not wanting to dwell on that question - my mind then moved on to the whole mommy dilemma. I have more answers for that part of my life than I do for the relationship part. Most days I am content for it to be just Princess and me. Probably due to the fact that I have made poor, poor choices in my past relationships. I barely have time for school in my life, and adding a man to that mix would force me to make choices I am not ready to make. It's all complicated and jumbled in my head.
Is it just the "grass is always greener"? When I lay out all my cards at the end of the day there is no place I would rather be. Right here, right now, this is where I am meant to be and most of the time I am happy to say that this is where I am.
"Just where did I go?"
Maybe that's part of my funk lately. Sometimes I feel like this never ending mommy train that I'm on has just hijacked my life and I'm searching for part of me that I fear I will never get back. Is that possible? If I crunch the numbers I find 10 years between the time I graduated from high school and had my first child. That's 10 grown up years sans children. (ah, those were the days!) Now it's been 12 years since I added the title mommy to my resume. That means more adult years spent in the mommy camp.
Being back in college full-time I find myself having most of my daily conversations with classmates who are...well, let's just say I'm old enough to be their mother. (And how did I get THAT old?!) There are days when I hear myself talking and every other sentence out of my mouth has something to do with Princess. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but does it mean that I have lost the part of myself that I find interesting? I'm hoping it's just a combination of the fact that I adore her so much AND the fact that I spend most of my time with her...so of course I'm going to talk about her.
Right?
I don't know. Sometimes it just feels like I'm drowning in this whole mommy gig. Not completely in a bad way. I think it's OK that part of me has grown into a mom. Just who was I before I had kids, anyway? Do I want that old me back? Why do I worry that part of me is gone if it's a part of me that I don't really need back? So many questions that need answers. Or do they really need answers?
I know I looked at myself in the mirror this morning and I hardly recognized myself. Somehow I have suddenly started to look old. This revelation made me wonder if I will be single forever. Not sure why my mind went there but it did. And not wanting to dwell on that question - my mind then moved on to the whole mommy dilemma. I have more answers for that part of my life than I do for the relationship part. Most days I am content for it to be just Princess and me. Probably due to the fact that I have made poor, poor choices in my past relationships. I barely have time for school in my life, and adding a man to that mix would force me to make choices I am not ready to make. It's all complicated and jumbled in my head.
Is it just the "grass is always greener"? When I lay out all my cards at the end of the day there is no place I would rather be. Right here, right now, this is where I am meant to be and most of the time I am happy to say that this is where I am.
Friday, November 09, 2007
Just a little dusty
There are times when being a mother is just a thankless job.
Princess has been facing a lot of changes in the last few months. I recognize that and I have truly been trying to take it easy as far as discipline goes.
But, you know how kids are...give them an inch and they take a mile.
I guess that's not necessarily a "kid" thing, given the same circumstances we all take the path of least resistance and try to find out just how much we use something to our advantage.
I'm OK with that.
I'm also OK with the fact that she is ten. You know, the closer she gets to the teen years the more and more unpredictable her emotions become. I get that.
BUT SOME DAYS!!!
Lately it has been like pulling teeth to get her to do anything. Homework, taking her plate to the kitchen, rinsing off dishes, simply getting dressed and ready on time. She seems to be under the mistaken impression that if she throws a tantrum for long enough she will get her own way. We have lived together for 10 years. She KNOWS this is not true. She knows it will work with Grandma, and sometimes her dad. But she knows it does not work with me.
So, what? Is she just TRYING to get on my last nerve? Because she is succeeding! Take the other day for example. It was past time to clean her room and since part of her closet is used for storage I told her I would work on that. Meanwhile I wanted her to try some clothes on because she has grown like another 12 feet in the last few months. When she refused I told her that was fine, but she was staying in her room and there would be no other activity until she had made progress. Now I'm sure you see where this is going. She told me I was the meanest mother on the face of the planet and proceeded to slam every door she could lay her hands on (yup, she's a slammer). When dinner was ready she said she wasn't hungry. And, being the MEAN mom that I am I made her sit at the table anyway (so, OK, maybe that part was a little bit for my benefit because I enjoyed finding yet another way to tick her off....but I also knew she was hungry and that if she came down she would eventually eat, which she did....YIPPEE ME! I'm a smart mommy!)
I know, I know! That's a typical exchange...and maybe I just want somebody to tell me that it will get better. Just remember that when you tell me it WILL get better - don't mention the fact that it's gonna take another 10 years before it does :-)
Princess has been facing a lot of changes in the last few months. I recognize that and I have truly been trying to take it easy as far as discipline goes.
But, you know how kids are...give them an inch and they take a mile.
I guess that's not necessarily a "kid" thing, given the same circumstances we all take the path of least resistance and try to find out just how much we use something to our advantage.
I'm OK with that.
I'm also OK with the fact that she is ten. You know, the closer she gets to the teen years the more and more unpredictable her emotions become. I get that.
BUT SOME DAYS!!!
Lately it has been like pulling teeth to get her to do anything. Homework, taking her plate to the kitchen, rinsing off dishes, simply getting dressed and ready on time. She seems to be under the mistaken impression that if she throws a tantrum for long enough she will get her own way. We have lived together for 10 years. She KNOWS this is not true. She knows it will work with Grandma, and sometimes her dad. But she knows it does not work with me.
So, what? Is she just TRYING to get on my last nerve? Because she is succeeding! Take the other day for example. It was past time to clean her room and since part of her closet is used for storage I told her I would work on that. Meanwhile I wanted her to try some clothes on because she has grown like another 12 feet in the last few months. When she refused I told her that was fine, but she was staying in her room and there would be no other activity until she had made progress. Now I'm sure you see where this is going. She told me I was the meanest mother on the face of the planet and proceeded to slam every door she could lay her hands on (yup, she's a slammer). When dinner was ready she said she wasn't hungry. And, being the MEAN mom that I am I made her sit at the table anyway (so, OK, maybe that part was a little bit for my benefit because I enjoyed finding yet another way to tick her off....but I also knew she was hungry and that if she came down she would eventually eat, which she did....YIPPEE ME! I'm a smart mommy!)
I know, I know! That's a typical exchange...and maybe I just want somebody to tell me that it will get better. Just remember that when you tell me it WILL get better - don't mention the fact that it's gonna take another 10 years before it does :-)
And just to remind myself that she really is adorable
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