Peaking in my Head

She was home sick again today. I'm in a little bit of panic mode, and I guess in order to properly explain it I need to go back.

On Saturday, April 15, 2000 (see how April 15 fell on a Saturday again this year? Easter was on the 23rd that year though, not the 16th like this year) Anyway, Joshua was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. He spent 2 1/2 weeks in Peds ICU and then he died on Wed May 3. Most of you know all this already, you've heard his story, so I'll spare you the long story..... for now.

The reason I bring this up tonight? Josh had been sick on and off for almost 2 months prior to his diagnosis. But in the last week we were in the ER several times for migraines - all of which had, of course, cleared up by the time we were finally seen. On the morning of April 15, he was miserable, complained that his neck and head hurt and that his tummy hurt. We went to the doctors office where the combination of stiff neck and upset tummy eventually got us a one way ticket to the emergency room with a possible meningitis diagnosis. If only we had been so luck.

So there we are last night, me tucking princess in bed and she says, mommy my neck hurts. I figured she had been laying around all day so of course her neck was going to hurt, she was sick after all. I didn't panic too much, told myself by morning she would be back to normal. Until she came down the stairs and the first word out of her mouth? "mommy my neck REALLY hurts, and my tummy is yucky". Sigh. I promised myself I wouldn't go over the edge. I did not call the doctor. Told myself I'd ride it out. She seemed to feel better by lunchtime, still tired, but not complaining too much. I guess what through me is that it seemed to sort of go in cycles. She's seem to be fine and then sort of double over and whine and whimper (which is SO not like her)....and then about 3 this afternoon, there it came again. Mommy my neck is so stiff it hurts to move and my head feels like it's going to explode. Lovely. Really, really lovely. I called the doctor. The best they could do? If she is still complaining in the morning I need to bring her in. Of course what I'm supposed to do all night while she's sleeping semi-peacefully is another story altogether.

I was proud of myself over all. I only asked her a couple times to turn her head from side to side and lean it back and then down to her chin. Unfortunately every time I did she said it hurt the worst to try to put her chin on her chest - and even then I did NOT rush her to the emergency room. I swear, if I wasn't so worried that she'd wake up in the middle of the night - I'd be drinking right now!

I know it's probably nothing. Probably just achy from the flu and will turn out to be absolutely nothing more. But I can't let it go at that. I don't know what I'll do if she wakes up tomorrow and is still complaining. I foresee a major breakdown on my horizon!

Well, now that it's all out in the open, I almost feel better. So, how about the best "worst" show on TV. If you missed Cheerleader Nation on Lifetime - Shame on you! They followed a varsity cheer team to nationals, and spent time with some of the girls in their homes, talked to their mothers, etc.... It was addicting and so, SO bad! Most of it seemed so fake and staged - but I couldn't help myself - I had to watch it! And, you'll be happy to know, they ended up winning first place at the national high school cheerleading championship. Yes, I'll sentence myself to about 30 hours of discovery channel or A & E to wash the taste of that one out of my mouth :-)

Psychology scores got posted today. I got a solid C overall, so now I'm just waiting on my Calculus grade. I have a feeling I'll be waiting until May 4 when grades are posted through the registrar's office. That's not til next Thursday, in case anybody is counting! Have I mentioned I detest my Calculus prof?!! LOL

Needless to say I didn't make it to see United 93 today. I'm a little bummed, but there is all next week.

I better go take my contacs out - it's gonna be a long, long night