This time of year stinks. It does. I don't enjoy holidays anymore. Not like I used to. Easter has come and gone and I didn't even decorate. I haven't celebrated Mother's Day since Josh died. Oh we still go over to my mother's house and Princess gives grandma a cute hand crafted card. But that's it for the hoopla. I told them 6 years ago I didn't want anything for Mother's Day (well, nothing they could give me anyway).
I really am not as big of a humbug as it sounds. I don't sit and mope all day (although given the opportunity I would probably enjoy it). I would like to be able to lock myself inside the house all day - heck for weeks prior so that I could avoid seeing all the clueless people going on about their clueless little lives thinking that everything is great. That sounds bitter, doesn't it?
I guess I just hate that I feel this way. I wish I could go back to days when my life was nothing but an uncharted future. But now, too much of my heart is tied to the past.
My classes are keeping me busier than I ever imagined. It's hard to sit in a classroom for 3 hours at a shot and absorb a week's worth of information in one afternoon. I certainly am feeling my age!
I feel like such a mother when I get to class. Yesterday I was sitting there and one of the last girls to come in (mind you this is a Freshman class so these girls are probably not even 20 yet >gasp<) was wearing a white tank top (like men's undershirt style) that was too small for her with a black bra underneath. Since the t-shirt was too small she had rolls of fat hanging out between her shirt and her lowrider jeans. I had this urge to just go over and put my coat on the child! Eek! I hope my daughter knows better than to go out in public looking like that when she goes away to college. On the other hand, maybe I should just be excited that this young lady was even showing up for class, right?
Princess has decided to stay home tonight instead of going to her idiot father's house. Did I mention that he went to the west coast for 9 days and didn't call her once or even bother to send her a postcard? She must have said something to him about it because Tuesday night. After their visit she came home and said "dad said he didn't call me because since I didn't call him he figured I didn't want to talk to him". PLEASE! Just let me smack that man now!
It's feeling like a pizza and a movie night. I could go for a nice cheesy pizza loaded with pepperoni and mushrooms - mmmm, my mouth is watering already!
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9 comments:
Since Rodger's mom died, we're not excited about Mother's Day this year either. I know it's not the same situation, but just know other people feel like locking themselves inside until the holiday passes too. As for the three hour classes, I hate them with a passion. Here's hoping you can stomach them until the summer session ends.
Mother's Day haven't been the same for our family since my Uncle Junior passed away on mother's day.
I can't even remember the last time I bought my mom a gift for that holiday.
Kelly I get it. Mother's Day was 2 days after Jordyn was buried...well it was May 14. It felt like the biggest slap in the face. My mom bought me a necklace that has a mother and her child on it. I do love that necklace and she said it was so I remembered that in my heart I'd always be able to hold Jordyn, but well you know that just doesn't cut it.
I love you and I am praying tomorrow's gentle for you.
As for that girl in your class, I think I'd have the same reaction in desiring to cover her up! Funny how conservative I've become, years ago I'd have been that little girl showing all I had, in as little as possible. Never want to go back there again!
Oh and as far as idiot goes, @@@ what else is there to say other than he has less maturity than his 8 yr old daughter.
I am pretty much a holiday curmdgeon, cept New Years, St. Pats, Dyngus Day, and Independance Day. All of course being a drinking holiday. This is due mostly to the baggage left over from having been a single parent of 3 and having a clueless ex. I can't even imagine the extra baggage you must be carrying. You have earned the right to be a holiday humbug.
Having been an elderly college student (who managed to carry 3.5), I have a little secret for you. As hard as you think it is for you, it is even harder for the 18 yr olds. You have enough life experience to understand the short cuts they don't have a clue about. And if you are going to a state college, you can be pretty sure, they are juggling jobs and boy friends and the like too. So be smug in the knowlege that you have it together so much better than them!
As for fashion issues; As a child of the sixties who wore huge American flag bells and paisly shirts, I forever lost the right to criticise any one elses sense of style!
p.s. you pizza comment made me realize how much I miss Detroit! I would kill for a slice from Niki's or Buddy's or the Cloverleaf right about now.
I'm the resident mom in my classes too! :) And, I'm in total agreement with the sausage roll look that so many enjoy sporting today. What is UP with that???
I don't imagine I'd feel much different about Mother's Day if I were in your shoes either. I hope the day goes as well as it can. {{Hugs}}
Get double cheese ...I am feeling that same and it sounds like comfort food to me!
And all this rain isn't helping much either.
Are you swimming over there?
Gosh it is good to have you back...
missed you!!
TJ
Hi, I'm new to blogger and chanced upon your blog. I'm so sorry about your son. My father-in-law just had surgery to remove a tumor yesterday, so my husband started talking about death in general. I cried just thinking about something happening to my daughter (she's 2.5). I wish I could wave a magic wand and take away your pain.
I'm also in Michigan and attend college for teaching (elementary, science major) and understand completely about how those young girls dress.
Take care on Mother's Day.
Kelly, This was a touching post. I'm glad you do what you need to do.
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